Reminds us of someone?

A certain English teacher? Gooone... UsUUUally...

Sex quotes

Because, honestly, the last few days I had a lot of cock-in-mouth moments (like foot-in-mouth, only sex-related).

Me: I have my period.

H: Well, that we needed to know.

Me: Eh, I share my sex life on the net, so -

H: Oh, so you -

Me: Yeah, I do have a sex life! *Everyone else is silent* Yeah, er... Start talking again now.

Pretty embarrasing, but could've been worse.

Me: *Looking in a magazine* Oh, he was good-looking. But then again, everything...

MM: Everything with two legs and a male organ...

Me: Yup, I call everything with two legs and a dick good-looking, and can people stop BEING SO DAMN QUIET!

Again everyone had heard what I've said... At least I managed not to shout out "I hope my period is over soon, cuz I'm goddamn horney!" I whispered it instead...

Honestly, I'm not too picky about the legs either, heartbeat and dick and I'm satisfied. Man, I'm getting desperate! Which is not a good thing. Just have to enjoy Jamie in the meantime.

R: Get me another cup of tea.

E: I'm not a butler!

Me: If you had been, I'd shag you. (Meaning Gerard Butler)

E: If I had been, I'd shag myself!

How that would happen, we didn't exactly know, but wanking in front of a big mirror was suggested, which I have to admit is a weird, but good sex fantasy.

A very disturbing afternoon

I went to bed to relax and fell asleep, which is rather normal, I think. What I dreamt was a bit peculiar, though.
First it was as close to normal as it gets, rats or something, so I woke up again, finding that at least one of my uncles were visiting, one of them who never drops by. I went out, through the office to the back, to them to find a girl I've known for about my whole life but never gotten close to and her father also had dropped by. We somehow ended up in the barn to find a lot of bikes, some of them not even having wheels and she commented one of them had a really bad seat, a banana seat as I'm pretty sure it's called.
Then my mother found an old scale (you know the kind that went out of fashion in the 50s) and weighed herself to check if it was still working, which she concluded it wasn't. I almost said something about it was a nice excuse to deny she had got fatter, but didn't. I tried fixing it, without really knowing what the problem was and cut my finger on one of the springs. To keep infections out I pressed it so it would bleed more, but about all that came out was water. After forcing a couple of drops out I was satisfied. And woke up again! [we don't have an exit in the office and not that big of a barn.]
Now I had managed to sleep-walk somewhere and didn't recognise the people around me. They were about my age and mostly guys and it smelled like dinner was around the corner. I took a peek out the window and concluded I know that road, I know that grey box that is a house, because that's where I'm supposed to be!
Stuttering I try to tell one of the guys, the one I guess lives there, my problem and he fills me in on what have happened. I take a seat at the arm of the couch, next to a blonde fellow trying sit a black-haired one to death. I'm invited to join and slips down with a comment about "We're gonna squish him completely" about the black-haired dude. He escapes somehow and me and Blondie are left to stare at each other until he inclines us both down and kiss me. Badly! Barely any lip movement and he literary pushed his spit over in my mouth.
I excuse myself to go to the kitchen and meet the mother, who is indeed cooking some chili or something. I ask if someone have a cigarette I could steal ("bomme") and she says it's just to help myself from the pack on the floor. Not asking why she have her smoke on the floor I kneel down and opens it, finding just butts save for one. Now the mother and (what I again guess to be) aunt and younger sister fiddels around with the dishwasher. I look up to hear baby-noises coming from the door of the open dishwasher. Almost screaming because they are just trying to soothe the baby instead of getting it out, I feel my vision blurring and wake up. [I have no idea who lived up at the farm and doubt they are my age. Plus, the baby-sounds would be related to the kid on the bus today. I also had to save a half-smoked fag because class started before I could finish it today.]
Now I know I'm awake, my head is heavy and I feel quite different. Not that you need to know at all, but if I'm going to tell this, I'm including everything; I stared touching myself. After a short while of that I looked up some anime-vids on youtube, even if I've never been into anime. It wasn't long before I got sick of them always ending with the same clip and slipped down some sort of water-slide, where a fire chased me to the first turn. The board I'm lying on goes pretty fast and I see a big-screen TV which was advertising for Ouran High School. Wanting to know when it was on TV, I hold out my hands to the edges of the slide to stop and the board keeps going while I watch the add, which I reacts on how strangely they pronounce "Ouran". Soon I keep slidling, whithout catching when the show went, and the slide runs dry.
I reach the end and stumbles out, falling flat on my face and wonders how many thinks I'm drunk, something I'm not! I look around and concludes I'm in an indoors petting zoo. After a kid runs off with one of my high-heeled, yellow shoes I wander around the small room and look at the animals. I meet a small boy (who actually looked a lot like one of my classmates. Well, he looks like he's twelve anyway,) and asked if he had taken my shoe. He hadn't, but he did have food for the animals, who had been let out of their cages and now roamed around. I saw black terriers and ferrets (brown, not white ) and some small rat-like things.
Then, a big bird looking like a cross between an ostrich and a pelican came up to me and wanted to have some of the food. It was at least as tall as me and had a beak longer than my arm. A bit scared of these giant bird I back up against the wall and mutters darkly, but loud enough for any of the people working there should hear me. The bird nuzzles it's beak to my hand and I figure he just want companionship and starts petting it. Out of nowhere it sticks the tip of it's beak into my mind and I was rather loud in my reactions. A couple of moments later it stick the beak far into my mind, making me retch several times. "Oh, there's the chocolate milk," is my first reaction when seeing the brown water I gag up, then I get my eyes properly open and dried. Then I see I have vomited on my other shoe, which I managed to step out of somewhere along the way. Again I wake up. [We had about birds in science today, but I had a Common Kestrel, not a pelican!]
A flash tells me my step-father just took a picture of me with his phone. Yup, now I'm really awake, no doubt about it.
Sorry for any typos, I have after all just woken.

And they finally managed to send A Dragonfly in Amber, so I'll be reading this weekend, yay!

Can you handle the sexy?

I mean... *drool* Not sure what's going on, except I'm imaginating pokey nipples in absence of any. I've always liked her as an actor and her together with Gerard,  who is simply one of the hottest men out there, well... It's doomed to be sexy!

Now, Jennifer, just turn around and kneel down... *Whistles innocently*

Outlander meme

(Really just HP meme with other characters!)

00.) Randomly list twelve of your favorite Outlander characters:

01.) Jamie Fraser
02.) Murtagh
03.) Claire
04.) Colum MacKenzie
05.) Dougal MacKenzie
06.) Frank
07.) Jack Randall
08.) Jenny
09.) Rupert
10.) Geillis Duncan
11.) Auld Alec
12.) Hamish MacKenzie


01.) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?
Frank/Alec. Doubt it exists, too weird.


02.) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Colum. Maybe not hot, but definitively enjoyable.


03.) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
Hamish got Jenny knocked up. Heads would roll, literary! Imagine how Jamie would react! Not to mention her husband, the poor lad would have a wooden leg down his throat! 

04.) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Can you recommend any?
Rupert. Haven't dared myself into the word of fanfics yet in fear of being spoiled.

05.) Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Murtagh and Frank. You're kidding me?

06.) Five/Nine or Five/Ten?
Dougal/Rupert or Dougal/Geillis. Don't think I have to answer that one, the latter of course! I don't fancy thinking about Rupert with anyone.


07.) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
Jack walking in on Murtagh and Hamish having sex. He would probably join them.

08.) Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fanfic.
Claire/Geillis. Er... A lost moment while doing something with herbs?

09.) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff fanfic?
Jamie/Jenny. Hm... Not sure if I'm grossed out or turned on, which should be wrong. It's probably out there somewhere...

10.) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.
Jack/Hamish. Just no.

11.) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One?
Colum de-flowering Jamie... Er... Too weird for me and not possible, since, well, you know... Technical problems.

12.) Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Jack. That's a stupid question, since it is in canon.

13.) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
Claire. Duh!

14.) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Alec. No, I don't think I've ever seen a single picture of him.

14.) Would anyone you know write Two/Four/Five?
Murtagh/Dougal/Colum. My brain just exploded a little.

15.) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
Geillis. Have no frickin' idea.

16.) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
Jenny. “Deliver me” by Sarah Brightman, maybe.

17.) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
Jamie/Dougal/Hamish. Warning: Incest, slash, too good to be true.

18.) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two?
Geillis to use on Murtagh? No thanks.

19.) When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
Dougal. Haven't dared myself to yet, I told you!

20.) What is Six's super-secret kink?
Frank. That he's really not that different from Jack...

21.) Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
Alec shag Rupert? Probably, but drunk.

22.) If Three and Seven got together, who would top?
Claire and Jack. Well, that's not happening!

23.) "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

Jamie and Rupert are in a happy relationship until Rupert suddenly runs off with Colum. Jamie, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Alec and a brief unhappy affair with Hamish, then follows the wise advice of Dougal and finds true love with Claire.

About the only thing that's sane is the ending!

24.) How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?

Jack/Jenny. Pretty pissed off, but not as much as her brother! Oh, I loved that scene when Jamie and Jenny had the fight, except I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up so she could explain.

--

Right? XD

Need I say more?

PRICELESS!

Actually not a stupid question. Found at HolyKiddingMe.com.

Recap of yesterday:

*Seeing a dude at the gas station*

Me: Okay, I've watched too many photos of a certain person.

E: No, that guy did look like Gerard Butler.

Me: Okay, it's not just me being crazy!

But that dude did look like a shaved Gerard Butler. Not that that's great, he's one of the few people who can pull off the half-beard and actually look good. We also got talking about how he is with an American accent and "Gerard Butler without Scottish accent is like pizza without cheese!"

We also got asked if we were sisters or something, because we seemed so close and stuff. Yay.

--

EFF! You-see-kay! I know of one person who stops by here regularly, who the heck are the rest of you? Would hurt if you left a comment, cuz now I got curious as hell! :D

Some jokes:

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all went to The pub together. The Englishman spent £30, The Irishman spent £50 and The Scotsman spent a very pleasant evening indeed.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman applied for a job as chauffeur to a rich lady.
'I'm such a good driver,' said The Englishman, 'I can go within six inches of a cliff edge without driving over.'
'I can go within an inch of The edge of a cliff without driving over,' said The Scotsman.
'And how close to The cliff edge can you drive?' The lady asked The Irishman.
'I keep as far away from cliffs with The car as I possibly can,' said The Irishman.
I'm with the Irishman!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were captured by cannibals and told that If they could not escape, each of them would be skinned and eaten and their skin turned into a canoe. Each was allowed one weapon to help him escape. The Englishman chose a gun but he soon ran out of bullets and was captured. He was skinned, eaten and his skin turned into a canoe. The Scotsman chose a knife but he was soon overpowered by The cannibals. He was skinned, eaten and his skin turned into a canoe. The Irishman asked for a fork.
'A fork?' they said. 'You won't get very far with that.' The Irishman grabbed The fork, pricked himself all over with it and said, 'now try turning my skin into a canoe!'

The Englishman had a big dog and The Irishman and The Scotsman asked him what breed it was.
'It's a cross between a Scotsman, an Irishman and an ape,' said The Englishman. ' In that case,' said The Irishman, 'it's related to all three of us.'

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were forced by a wicked witch to jump over a cliff but their fairy godmother obtained for them a concession that whatever word they spoke before they jumped they would land in.
'Feathers,' said The Englishman, and he landed on a nice soft bed of feathers.
'Cushions,' said The Scotsman, and he landed on a nice big soft cushion.
The Irishman ran up to The edge of The cliff, tripped, and, as he fell over he said, 'Oh shit!'

The Englishman, The Irishman, The Scotsman and The Welshman were in a pub together drinking beer when a fly fell into each of The four glasses. The Englishman threw his beer away. The Irishman picked out The fly and drank The beer. The Welshman threw away his beer but ate The fly. The Scotsman drank his beer but sold his fly to The Welshman.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were invited to a fancy dress ball. They went as Alias, Smith and Jones.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were passengers on board The cross channel ferry when The Englishman fell into The sea.
The Scotsman shouted, 'man overboard, throw in a buoy', so The Irishman grabbed a little lad of eight and threw him overboard.
The Scotsman shouted, 'Not that sort of boy. I meant a cork buoy.'
'How The hell am I supposed to know what part of Ireland he comes from?' said The Irishman.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were captured by The Devil and would be sent to Hell if they could not give him an impossible task to do. Touch The moon,' said The Englishman. The Devil did and The Englishman was sent to Hell. '
'Darken The sun,' said The Scotsman. The Devil did and The Scotsman was sent to Hell.
The Irishman thought for a moment, cleared his throat and spat on The ground. 'Swim in that,' he said to The Devil.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were taking part in a survey about tea-drinking habits.
'I always stir my tea with my left hand,' said The Englishman.
'I always stir my tea with my right hand,' said The Scotsman.
'How about you?' The Irishman was asked.
'Oh me?' said The Irishman, 'I always use a spoon.'

A rich American challenged An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman to drink ten pints of Guinness in ten minutes.
The Englishman tried but could manage only five pints.
The Scotsman did a bit better - he drank seven pints in ten minutes.
The Irishman downed The ten pints in nine minutes and as The American handed over The prize money he remarked. 'I didn't think you could do it.'
'I knew I could,' said The Irishman, 'because I did The same thing in The pub next door a few minutes ago.'

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman bought a bottle of good whiskey and marked The bottle into three clear portions - The one on The top for The Englishman, The one in The middle for The Scotsman and The one on The bottom for The Irishman. They decided to go to bed and drink The whiskey The next day.
However, when they got up The next morning, The Englishman and The Scotsman were dismayed to find that The whiskey was all gone. So they woke The Irishman from his drunken slumbers and asked him to explain.
'I felt like a drink during The night,' said The Irishman, 'so I got up and opened The bottle of whiskey, but I had to drink through your two portions to get to my own.'

The Englishman, The Irishman, The Scotsman, and The Welshman (making a guest appearance in this joke) were all flying together in an airliner. The captain announced that they were losing altitude rapidly and that one of them would have to jump out to save The others.
'I do this for The glory of Scotland,' said The Scotsman and he jumped out.
'We need to lose more weight,' said The captain, so The Welshman shouted ,'I do this for The glory of Wales', and jumped out.
'Sorry,' said The captain, 'I'm afraid we need to lose The weight of just one more person.'
'I do this for The glory of Ireland,' said The Irishman and threw out The Englishman.

These were The last words of our three heroes.
The Englishman: Thank God I die in England.
The Scotsman: Thank God I don't die in England.
The Irishman: How can they make any profit on this stuff at £2 a bottle?

'Wasn't it tragic about my brother Michael,' moaned Kelly. 'Women and whiskey killed him.'
'Is that so?' sympathised OToole.
'Yes, he couldn't get either so he hung himself!'

A man walked into a Melbourne bar and ordered a pint of the dark liquid.
'Excuse me,' said the only other drinker. 'Is that an Irish accent I detect?'
'It is, sir. Dublin to be exact.'
'Bless my soul,' said the first. 'I'm a Dublin man meself. Ballymun to be precise.'
'Bedad, aren't I from Ballymun meself - Carberry Street in actual fact,' remarked the second.
'Carberry Street is where I was born and raised meself, and St Joseph's was me parish church, Father Dunne the parish priest.'
'Didn't I go to nine o'clock mass every Sunday at St Joseph's. What an amazingly small world. Did you go to St Joseph's School?'
'I did. I was in Miss Slattery's class.'
'God in heaven. So was I.'
Just then the phone rang and the Aussie barman said, 'Not too busy at the moment. In fact there's just the Murphy twins here.'

So that'll be a thanks to IrishJokes.co.uk for the laughs!

Hung over...

Well, a bit, at least. Had a party last night and six of the guests slept over, so now the guestroom reeks of Hugo Boss. You see, the guy that slept here last night with his girlfriend (no, they didn't shag) use a lot of it. All in all it was a lot of fun with music and pizza and other stuff.

Was also fun today, us four girls talked of girly things and the two lads tried not listening, I think. Later, when just two of us were left we googled Gerard Butthair - sorry, Butler and went through all fifty or so pages of pictures and drooled. By the way, I knew he is Scottish, it's completely clear for me, but I managed to get it into my head that he was Irish after watching PS I love you. Anyway he's sex on a stick. :D

So now I'll just try staying conscious for a while longer so I can go properly to bed and get some sweet, sweet sleep (try saying that fast three times in a row!) and enjoy myself then.

KILTS!

(Yeah, I'm breaking my own rule here, two posts in one day, but I have to share this!)

Just look at some of these! *Drool*

Well, maybe not these two fellows. Dude, we can see your balls! That's kinda something you should know, when you're wearing a ski- kilt and nothing under! Is that a Carlsberg?

Mel Gibson. In a kilt. 'Nough said.

No idea who this lad is, but dang! Not bad!

*Brain implode!*

Yeah, I think we shall now!

Having a party tomorrow and I think one of the boys will find himself in my plaid skirt before the night is over. X3 

Next fall we're going to Ireland and/or Scotland and get desperately hammered on whiskey and bed as many hot men as possible. Hey, it's not a sin to enjoy sex! (Or maybe it is, but not in my word!)

A Thing Called Love seems to be my new favorite song for the moment, have it on repeat now. 

--

Just one last one:

I know Bono!

No, I don't, but I do know someone who looks damn like him with sunglasses! She (yup, a girl) took on a pair of brown sunglasses she had bought recently and my first response was "you look like Bono."

It was actually a compliment, as far as comparing a sixteen year old girl with a middle-aged man goes. With her dark hair pulled back and such it was... Too bad I didn't get a picture of it. 

Listening to Johnny Cash and the start of A Thing Called Love reminds me of Jamie. Yes, everything does now, but if you take a look at the lyrics:

Six foot six stood on the ground, weighted 235 pounds

But I saw that giant of a man brought down to his knees by love

It's pretty much Jamie in a cracked nutshell. By the way, when he had the fight with his sister Jenny I just wanted to jump into the book and tell him to shut the fuck up for two minutes and hear her out. But we love them for the temper!

--

Blast from the past

Scotland!

Yup, I've fallen helplessly in love with Scotland! Not that I haven't always had a thing for kilts, but after reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon... Yay! I mean, time-travelling, mid-1700, drama and action, sex, kilts! Yummy!

Basically I guess you can call it housewife porn, but it's bloody brilliant! When it comes to Jamie (James Alexander Malcolm Fraser is his full name, btw), well, how can he not be the wet dream of a thousand woman? Tall, red-headed, blue-eyed, muscles like a bull, stubborn as an ass, magnet for trouble... Well, I'm a bit taken by him, which is of course the idea.

Claire, the heroine, isn't much worse, works/worked as a nurse (hey, that rhymed!) and on several occations stitches Jamie-boy up, not seldom when his injuries are caused by her escape-attempts. It was at least not hard to see she fell in love with him. I can't find tbe quote exactly now, but when she finally amitted, though in a casual manner, loving him, I was verra happy. (Reading Scottish accent for four days almost straight sticks in your bones, ye ken.)

So now I've ordered the five other books in the series and just have to wait. Probably be a month before they gets here... *grumble*

Oh, on another topic, my trip to London next summer have been moved a bit further north, by invitation by Weasley-Detectives! Then we'll go hunting fine Scottish men and drink fine Scottish whisky, by the looks of it. :D

--

Just came to think of, Jamie and Claire of course had to consumate their marrige (yeah, they got married out of... Political reasons? Anyway, originally not out of love) which was a pretty nice scene, although long. Well, what I was really going to say, got ridiculusly side-tracked and here I go again so: The first time she orgasmed when sleeping with him he thought he had been hurting her. Ha, shows how enlightened three-and-twenty year old male virgins were in the eighteenth century! XD

The 69 kiss

Just discovered a new kiss and named it!

I was doing my friend's hair (she sat on the floor in front of me) and she decided she wanted to kiss me on the forehead and tilted her head back before pulling me down. Guess what happened!

My lips landed on her forehead while her landed on mine, thus the name: 69 kiss! Pretty ingenius, if you ask me.

Some parts of a body should remain un-shaved!

Namely between the toes. Big toes.

I was in the shower just now, something I really needed to do, and gazed down at this tuft between my legs. Yes, I should definitively trim it a bit. After a minute I figured "what the hell, I'll take it all, then I've tried that too."

Turns out a mirror makes it a whole lot easier, so I had to take a trip to my room, stark naked, dripping wet and with shaving gel between my legs (I swear that wasn't supposed to sound that suggestive!) to get one. So then I could get started for real, with a fresh razor and everything.

Then I discovered two things: 1) my hand's not that steady, and 2) sharp object should be kept away from your tender parts.

So, after a lot of work, some blood and frustration I have now the six year old look. Can't say I'm too pleased with it, feels like a "Yeah, let's try!... Oh,shit"-moment. But I tried!

Haven't dared myself to put on any clothes there after I clashed on a good deal of salve, so I fashioned a very nice-looking skirt of a towel. A 101 dalmations-towel, mind, fits very well with pink socks and grey sweater.

If nothing all it have convinced me never to try Brazilian waxing. *winces*

Quotes

*Watching Hairspray*

Edna (AKA John Travolta): I know a little something 'bout men.

Me and E coruses: Yes, cuz you are one!

We act like sisters, no, twins, even though we aren't remotely related in any way. Plus, she enjoys pulling at her earrings sometimes and joked she would pull off her entire ear one of these days, whereas I had to ask if she would attend my funeral. When that funeral is depends on when she loses her ear.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Me: (something I can't remember)... Waps.

E: Waps?

Me: Yeah, waps.

E: Wasp, you mean.

Me: Yeah, I just said that... 

 Managed to put off the alarm. Bloody hell, got me worried I'd be joining Fred Weasley there for a moment... That thing is loud! Still sweating and my heart's making a run for it out of my chest.The peculiar phrasing is thanks to reading Twin Vice (fanfiction) where Fred is a ghost, so in other words, I almost got scared to death.

How I managed to put if off may be a little stupid, though, I was going to let the cat in and chanced on the alarm being off and just opened the door. First nothing happened, then after thirty seconds the most ungodly howling begins! I clamped my hands over my ears before getting what was going on and got it turned off, seeing two cats at least as frightened as me. Yup, both cats were already in, it had been no need for me to open the bloody door, let alone not make sure the alarm was off. Well, that's a mistake I won't make again...

Coffee and smoke!

I don't do good on coffee, so this will probably make no sense what-so-ever!

Was out of smoke from Friday night to today afternoon (Sunday in other words), did Darren/Harry's pose from the beginning of AVPM, yelled at my cat for being late and not grooming himself and my phone doesn't work. Yay for my life!

When I first got that smoke today, however, it was better than sex! Better and more satisfying than raw, wild, sweaty sex! ... *shifty eyes*

Also have no appetite or memory, I think I've eaten a wok, a pizza and a slice of bread the last two or three days. Reminds me, I should put the bread in the freezer, which in turn reminds me of this:

And his name is Mr. Safety... Irony, anyone? (Well, he's not actually named that, it's Cory Willams, I believe.)

Random randomness

I woke today with three names in my head: I know one of them was Joey Ritcher (not that strange, since I used last night on stalking him on the net) and I think the two others were Charlie Weasley and Voldemort. Random, I know... Or really not, it's all about HP (who should take his own advise now XD) and you know I'm a hopeless fangirl.