Learn it the hard way

I've always thought heartache was just a figure of speech, but every time I think about him it feels like an invisible hand is squeezing inside my chest. 

I've cut past the crush and falling in love, I just miss him. Something that never have been and never will be. I would give my left arm even to have a fight with him, just to hear his voice and see his face, be in the same room and tell him he's tearing me apart. 

I can't say it out loud and hardly type it... But I've fallen madly in love with Charlie Weasley.

Madly. I'm not looking forward to classes tomorrow, today I didn't manage to be in them at all. I can't look further ahead, even though I should be happy about a party coming up in the end of the month. An eternity and I don't know if I'll manage to live that long. I'm not thinking about suicide (God, no!), I'll be physically alive, but a part of me, the soul or emotions or whatever, is slipping into a dark hole now.

Seeing as he really is just a fantasy, maybe I just want someone. Someone to hold, kiss, share a bed and thoughts with. Place my hand over his belly-button and listen to his soft laughter.

Three weeks without going insane and I may be on my way... If I manage to stop having so vivid fantasied about him.

You're a song
Written by the hands of god
Don't get me wrong cause
This might sound to you a bit odd   Or crazy
But you own the place  
Where all my thoughts go hiding  you're the first I think of in the morning
And right under your clothes   I wish I could be near you
Is where I find them

Underneath Your Clothes  Just touch you
There's an endless story   Listen to your dreams
There's the man I chose   Even  though it can't be
There's my territory  If only...
And all the things I deserve  I should have some happiness for once
For being such a good girl honey

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie  
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry  Not being with you is the only reason for the tears
When the friends are gone  I don't need anyone else
When the party's over  If I just had you
We will still belong to each other  In my dreams

I love you more than all that's on the planet
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing
You know it's true
Oh baby it's so funny
You almost don't believe it  It's just silly
As every voice is hanging from the silence  Noise makes me sick, it's disturbing me from wanting you
Lamps are hanging from the celing
Like a lady to her good manners
I'm tied up to this feeling  of misery

And here I am, spilling my guts on the net. Soon I'll think this is the stupidest thing I have ever led myself into believing, but for the time being it's very real.