A bit of win, a bit of fail

The WIN part (which I have nothing to do with):

The FAIL part, which I had everything to do with:

*Walking to the bus stop*

Me *stops dead*: Shit, I forgot my book! I forgot my Jamie-book, in the locker! NO! *Slides down in a heap on the sidewalk before getting a bit of a grip on myself* Well, okay, then... No, I have to go back and get it, okay? If it was just a weekend it would be okay, but it'll be a week 'til school again, I can't go a week without Jamie! 

E: Okay....

Me: Okay, so I'll just go and get it and you can take the bus now and I'll come with the next and--

E: I'll be at the library in the meantime.

Me: Libra--? Oh, yeah, I'll just go and get it! *Runs back to school* I'm not addicted or anything!

Obsessed? No, not the slightest... It would just suck major donkey balls to go nine days without even the possibility of reading. And I must say I was pretty stupid to leave my bag in the locker, thinking there was nothing there I needed and not remembering it before we were almost at the bus stop. At least I remembered it before we got on the bus!

I also "stormed" into a class I'm not supposed to have just because they were going to watch The Last King of Scotland and I needed to hear some Scottish. Can never get enough Scottish, you know. XD

My new goal:

Okay, I can blame the Outlander-books for this, but that's not really important... My new goal is to find a Scot and have a lively discussion with him (or her, if it's a shortage of blokes) about the colour of the sky!

I have a resonable good reason for it too: Jamie (yes, the glorious James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser!) made a comment somewhere along the way about how it's not possible to get two Scots to agree on much besides the colour of the sky, and even that's up for questions sometimes.

And it is, isn't it? The sky isn't just a monogamous blue, it shifts from the lightest turquis in the morning to lead-grey in storm, plain dark blue-grey, white or grey if it's cloudy and don't forget just before dawn and sunset, where you can find orange, gold, aprocot (not the fruit, though,) pink, indigo... There's no end to it!

So with that small mind-twister, I'll leave you and continue to eat my cold porridge. Yes, I feel quite well, thanks for asking. :D

--

Recap from July 18:

"I want a time-machine! I don't care if it's á la Jules Verne, a flying Delorean or a Time-Turner, I want to go back, smack myself in the head and nick some tickets to that freakin' premiere! "

Or I might go out and see if there's any stone circles hanging about! XD

My ship is loaded with

Some of my friends had started a round with it on Facebook, and I had to join in a bit. The funny part is how much of the things reminded me of  Jamie Fraser...

I said Indians on purpose, because Jamie & co are meeting with some at the moment. (Where I am reading, at least.)

E said hunters, and that I should watch my Indians. Well... Jamie is a class A hunter and had just shot an elk, before falling down and putting his back out of joint. Very cleaver when it's snowing and no one knows where you are. Luckily Claire isn't the kind of woman to just sit and wait at home while he freezes to death.

A said cannons, which leads us directly to Voyager and the ships there.

E then said land crabs, something Jamie also is a class A example of, he goes green if he as much as sees a boat.

E said oil and A said paraffin, which leads me to think of turpentine and Jocasta MacKenzie's plantation.

E also said spaceships, which reminded me of Pigfarts, but that don't have anything to do with Jamie. XD

Yeah, I think that was all. Slightly obsessed about Jamie, maybe? Keep dreaming about him, but it's only the shortest of moments and I often see Claire or even Murtagh more clearly! That annoys me quite a bit... Anyway, because I'm sick now I managed to fall asleep and dream I was Claire (I remember the hair vividly) and we (me and Jamie, in case it should be any confusion here) ate potato salad. How random and nice.

Yoghurt mishaps and some other incidents

I managed to spill my yoghurt on the table today and was just about to get up to get napkins, but luckily (which is very hard to spell right now; kuckely, luckely, etc.) my "wife" had some in her purse. Somehow it made me feel like Frank Randall... I had to ask where she got them, cuz I remember her putting them in there some time ago and it turned out she had snatched them from the cafe last time we went there for lunch. At the time I didn't see why she would bother bringing them, but in hindsight I'm glad she did.

She was also very nice and spilled water down my jeans. Luckily (very funny word today) we were outside, so it didn't matter, but I didn't quite see the point. When I said this, she said she didn't know the bottle was open and when she put it between her legs and squeezed, she "came" all over me...

We talked about Outlander, which isn't anything new exactly, but she mixed Fred and Frank. Not funny to most people, but if you know George (as in Weasley) have been translated to Frank, it is. To me, at least.

Plus... Yeah, we discussed the prononoucing of "neither". She says "naither" while I say "neither" with clean E so to speak. My step-father was nice enough to inform us that is Cockney accent and I plainly went down the stairs shouting "I love cocks!" She voiced in with "me too! Your step-father didn't hear that."

Now we're about to watch Enchanted and soon eat I hope. :D

--

Okay, so I was wearing a rather old pair of jeans, with long tails of fabric worn off on the bottoms of the legs. A great trip wire, I discovered when I laid sprawled upstairs in the hall.

And time for a little game! Well, not so much a game as a device to pass time. (I should probably put some spoiler warning here; do not proceed if you don't want to know what happens in Outlander and coming books.)

I proudly presents: Failed ways to kill Jamie Fraser!

1. Hang him. Won't do you much good when Claire sweeps in with a horde of cattle to rescue him from the prison.

2. Break his arm and hope an infection festers in the wound. Again, Claire is there to save the day.

3. Shoot him in the head. He's too thick-sculled, that Scot!

4. Make him go berserk on a suicide-mission against the Redcoats. Well, in that case he'll just run like a madman 'til he's behind the English guns, then back again until some greater power sees it fitting for him to be cornered. Then, let the officer who plans on banging his head off recognise him and he'll be well on his way back to Lallybroch and Jenny Murray, a force stronger than nasty germs.

Anyone have more to add? 

I'm blogging now!

Yeah, that wasn't obvious at all... Don't really have anything to say, I'm too busy reading Voyager, of the Outlander series. Third book and I'm soon finished... Seems a bit of a waste to sail halfway around the globe, for a seasick man nonetheless, to hunt down a single lad. Well, some other things got in the way too, but otherwise they could sought refurgee in France or something. Yeah, I find that part of the plot a trifle thin, but I'll just roll with it. (Sorry if I spoiled anything for anyone.)

And the day I'll understand men, the sun will surely be setting in the east.

Um... That's all then.

--

No, it's not! The original title of this should be Bare-arsed in the bog but stupid as I am, I forgot!

Anyway, we're having a project at school now, which includes a trip out on the boggy bog. Fine, wellington boots are a must and E took it all the way and showed up in waders. It might seem as a bit of an overkill, but it was the only thing she had, and good riddance that was too!

She stepped directly into a suckish hole, which, logically enough, suck her down 'til she had water up to her knee and well over I think. Thanks to the glorious, green waders she stayed dry, but it was a bit of work to haul her up again. As the hole generated a nice vacuum, the boot stayed put while her leg made some progress upwards.

As it was, the waders were firmly tied to her jeans. Which didn't follow her leg and my pulling any more than the boot and it was a near thing not the entire class got a nice view of her pale, bare arse in the middle of searching for plants. (Sorry, but there's a scarce supply of white women with tanned arses, the truth!)

We did get her out of there in the end though, properly clothed and dry, and another nice story to tell. :D

SHITTING, FUCKING, BLOODY HELL!

Yeah, someone came with that exclaimation today, in a rather Irish accent. And it wasn't me. 

Reminds me, we had a kind of "listen and place the people" thing in English today. I took three of them just on the name. As long as we're driving on stereotypes, Hamish McDonald would be Scottish, Seamus Sweeney would be Irish and the chick with an Indy-sounding name would be from India. Frankly, in real life they could have been from the States or any other place, but I figured they took it the safe way. Plus, I got a rather hysterical laughter-fit over the Scottish accent, it was just... Well, I've been reading more Outlander books, have started on the third now, so I'm getting more and more fond of Scotland by the minute. Fonder, is that a word?

Think I surprised the teacher a bit by knowing what haggis is. Well, that's thanks to Jamie and that lot. But I seemed unable to say "sheep", it kept coming out as "cheap". Reminds me of when I said I would go "Christmas chopping". Well, the teacher pronounced "come" as "cum", so what do I have to say? He's from Wales, do that help? I think I was the only one who noticed too. Honestly, cum?

My hand also decided that instead of scribbling "long live guesswork" next to a grammar activity I failed at, it wrote "long live Scotland." Uh-hum...

No red baloons now, but this is the 200th post. Shitting, fucking, bloody hell! I've written a lot of hilarity, I've been told. More to come, I hope.

Popcorn party tonight. Basically foam party, but with popcorn! :D

Sex quotes

Because, honestly, the last few days I had a lot of cock-in-mouth moments (like foot-in-mouth, only sex-related).

Me: I have my period.

H: Well, that we needed to know.

Me: Eh, I share my sex life on the net, so -

H: Oh, so you -

Me: Yeah, I do have a sex life! *Everyone else is silent* Yeah, er... Start talking again now.

Pretty embarrasing, but could've been worse.

Me: *Looking in a magazine* Oh, he was good-looking. But then again, everything...

MM: Everything with two legs and a male organ...

Me: Yup, I call everything with two legs and a dick good-looking, and can people stop BEING SO DAMN QUIET!

Again everyone had heard what I've said... At least I managed not to shout out "I hope my period is over soon, cuz I'm goddamn horney!" I whispered it instead...

Honestly, I'm not too picky about the legs either, heartbeat and dick and I'm satisfied. Man, I'm getting desperate! Which is not a good thing. Just have to enjoy Jamie in the meantime.

R: Get me another cup of tea.

E: I'm not a butler!

Me: If you had been, I'd shag you. (Meaning Gerard Butler)

E: If I had been, I'd shag myself!

How that would happen, we didn't exactly know, but wanking in front of a big mirror was suggested, which I have to admit is a weird, but good sex fantasy.

A very disturbing afternoon

I went to bed to relax and fell asleep, which is rather normal, I think. What I dreamt was a bit peculiar, though.
First it was as close to normal as it gets, rats or something, so I woke up again, finding that at least one of my uncles were visiting, one of them who never drops by. I went out, through the office to the back, to them to find a girl I've known for about my whole life but never gotten close to and her father also had dropped by. We somehow ended up in the barn to find a lot of bikes, some of them not even having wheels and she commented one of them had a really bad seat, a banana seat as I'm pretty sure it's called.
Then my mother found an old scale (you know the kind that went out of fashion in the 50s) and weighed herself to check if it was still working, which she concluded it wasn't. I almost said something about it was a nice excuse to deny she had got fatter, but didn't. I tried fixing it, without really knowing what the problem was and cut my finger on one of the springs. To keep infections out I pressed it so it would bleed more, but about all that came out was water. After forcing a couple of drops out I was satisfied. And woke up again! [we don't have an exit in the office and not that big of a barn.]
Now I had managed to sleep-walk somewhere and didn't recognise the people around me. They were about my age and mostly guys and it smelled like dinner was around the corner. I took a peek out the window and concluded I know that road, I know that grey box that is a house, because that's where I'm supposed to be!
Stuttering I try to tell one of the guys, the one I guess lives there, my problem and he fills me in on what have happened. I take a seat at the arm of the couch, next to a blonde fellow trying sit a black-haired one to death. I'm invited to join and slips down with a comment about "We're gonna squish him completely" about the black-haired dude. He escapes somehow and me and Blondie are left to stare at each other until he inclines us both down and kiss me. Badly! Barely any lip movement and he literary pushed his spit over in my mouth.
I excuse myself to go to the kitchen and meet the mother, who is indeed cooking some chili or something. I ask if someone have a cigarette I could steal ("bomme") and she says it's just to help myself from the pack on the floor. Not asking why she have her smoke on the floor I kneel down and opens it, finding just butts save for one. Now the mother and (what I again guess to be) aunt and younger sister fiddels around with the dishwasher. I look up to hear baby-noises coming from the door of the open dishwasher. Almost screaming because they are just trying to soothe the baby instead of getting it out, I feel my vision blurring and wake up. [I have no idea who lived up at the farm and doubt they are my age. Plus, the baby-sounds would be related to the kid on the bus today. I also had to save a half-smoked fag because class started before I could finish it today.]
Now I know I'm awake, my head is heavy and I feel quite different. Not that you need to know at all, but if I'm going to tell this, I'm including everything; I stared touching myself. After a short while of that I looked up some anime-vids on youtube, even if I've never been into anime. It wasn't long before I got sick of them always ending with the same clip and slipped down some sort of water-slide, where a fire chased me to the first turn. The board I'm lying on goes pretty fast and I see a big-screen TV which was advertising for Ouran High School. Wanting to know when it was on TV, I hold out my hands to the edges of the slide to stop and the board keeps going while I watch the add, which I reacts on how strangely they pronounce "Ouran". Soon I keep slidling, whithout catching when the show went, and the slide runs dry.
I reach the end and stumbles out, falling flat on my face and wonders how many thinks I'm drunk, something I'm not! I look around and concludes I'm in an indoors petting zoo. After a kid runs off with one of my high-heeled, yellow shoes I wander around the small room and look at the animals. I meet a small boy (who actually looked a lot like one of my classmates. Well, he looks like he's twelve anyway,) and asked if he had taken my shoe. He hadn't, but he did have food for the animals, who had been let out of their cages and now roamed around. I saw black terriers and ferrets (brown, not white ) and some small rat-like things.
Then, a big bird looking like a cross between an ostrich and a pelican came up to me and wanted to have some of the food. It was at least as tall as me and had a beak longer than my arm. A bit scared of these giant bird I back up against the wall and mutters darkly, but loud enough for any of the people working there should hear me. The bird nuzzles it's beak to my hand and I figure he just want companionship and starts petting it. Out of nowhere it sticks the tip of it's beak into my mind and I was rather loud in my reactions. A couple of moments later it stick the beak far into my mind, making me retch several times. "Oh, there's the chocolate milk," is my first reaction when seeing the brown water I gag up, then I get my eyes properly open and dried. Then I see I have vomited on my other shoe, which I managed to step out of somewhere along the way. Again I wake up. [We had about birds in science today, but I had a Common Kestrel, not a pelican!]
A flash tells me my step-father just took a picture of me with his phone. Yup, now I'm really awake, no doubt about it.
Sorry for any typos, I have after all just woken.

And they finally managed to send A Dragonfly in Amber, so I'll be reading this weekend, yay!

Outlander meme

(Really just HP meme with other characters!)

00.) Randomly list twelve of your favorite Outlander characters:

01.) Jamie Fraser
02.) Murtagh
03.) Claire
04.) Colum MacKenzie
05.) Dougal MacKenzie
06.) Frank
07.) Jack Randall
08.) Jenny
09.) Rupert
10.) Geillis Duncan
11.) Auld Alec
12.) Hamish MacKenzie


01.) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?
Frank/Alec. Doubt it exists, too weird.


02.) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Colum. Maybe not hot, but definitively enjoyable.


03.) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
Hamish got Jenny knocked up. Heads would roll, literary! Imagine how Jamie would react! Not to mention her husband, the poor lad would have a wooden leg down his throat! 

04.) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Can you recommend any?
Rupert. Haven't dared myself into the word of fanfics yet in fear of being spoiled.

05.) Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Murtagh and Frank. You're kidding me?

06.) Five/Nine or Five/Ten?
Dougal/Rupert or Dougal/Geillis. Don't think I have to answer that one, the latter of course! I don't fancy thinking about Rupert with anyone.


07.) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
Jack walking in on Murtagh and Hamish having sex. He would probably join them.

08.) Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fanfic.
Claire/Geillis. Er... A lost moment while doing something with herbs?

09.) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff fanfic?
Jamie/Jenny. Hm... Not sure if I'm grossed out or turned on, which should be wrong. It's probably out there somewhere...

10.) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.
Jack/Hamish. Just no.

11.) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One?
Colum de-flowering Jamie... Er... Too weird for me and not possible, since, well, you know... Technical problems.

12.) Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Jack. That's a stupid question, since it is in canon.

13.) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
Claire. Duh!

14.) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Alec. No, I don't think I've ever seen a single picture of him.

14.) Would anyone you know write Two/Four/Five?
Murtagh/Dougal/Colum. My brain just exploded a little.

15.) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
Geillis. Have no frickin' idea.

16.) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?
Jenny. “Deliver me” by Sarah Brightman, maybe.

17.) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
Jamie/Dougal/Hamish. Warning: Incest, slash, too good to be true.

18.) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two?
Geillis to use on Murtagh? No thanks.

19.) When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
Dougal. Haven't dared myself to yet, I told you!

20.) What is Six's super-secret kink?
Frank. That he's really not that different from Jack...

21.) Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
Alec shag Rupert? Probably, but drunk.

22.) If Three and Seven got together, who would top?
Claire and Jack. Well, that's not happening!

23.) "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

Jamie and Rupert are in a happy relationship until Rupert suddenly runs off with Colum. Jamie, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Alec and a brief unhappy affair with Hamish, then follows the wise advice of Dougal and finds true love with Claire.

About the only thing that's sane is the ending!

24.) How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?

Jack/Jenny. Pretty pissed off, but not as much as her brother! Oh, I loved that scene when Jamie and Jenny had the fight, except I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up so she could explain.

--

Right? XD

Need I say more?

I know Bono!

No, I don't, but I do know someone who looks damn like him with sunglasses! She (yup, a girl) took on a pair of brown sunglasses she had bought recently and my first response was "you look like Bono."

It was actually a compliment, as far as comparing a sixteen year old girl with a middle-aged man goes. With her dark hair pulled back and such it was... Too bad I didn't get a picture of it. 

Listening to Johnny Cash and the start of A Thing Called Love reminds me of Jamie. Yes, everything does now, but if you take a look at the lyrics:

Six foot six stood on the ground, weighted 235 pounds

But I saw that giant of a man brought down to his knees by love

It's pretty much Jamie in a cracked nutshell. By the way, when he had the fight with his sister Jenny I just wanted to jump into the book and tell him to shut the fuck up for two minutes and hear her out. But we love them for the temper!

--

Blast from the past

Scotland!

Yup, I've fallen helplessly in love with Scotland! Not that I haven't always had a thing for kilts, but after reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon... Yay! I mean, time-travelling, mid-1700, drama and action, sex, kilts! Yummy!

Basically I guess you can call it housewife porn, but it's bloody brilliant! When it comes to Jamie (James Alexander Malcolm Fraser is his full name, btw), well, how can he not be the wet dream of a thousand woman? Tall, red-headed, blue-eyed, muscles like a bull, stubborn as an ass, magnet for trouble... Well, I'm a bit taken by him, which is of course the idea.

Claire, the heroine, isn't much worse, works/worked as a nurse (hey, that rhymed!) and on several occations stitches Jamie-boy up, not seldom when his injuries are caused by her escape-attempts. It was at least not hard to see she fell in love with him. I can't find tbe quote exactly now, but when she finally amitted, though in a casual manner, loving him, I was verra happy. (Reading Scottish accent for four days almost straight sticks in your bones, ye ken.)

So now I've ordered the five other books in the series and just have to wait. Probably be a month before they gets here... *grumble*

Oh, on another topic, my trip to London next summer have been moved a bit further north, by invitation by Weasley-Detectives! Then we'll go hunting fine Scottish men and drink fine Scottish whisky, by the looks of it. :D

--

Just came to think of, Jamie and Claire of course had to consumate their marrige (yeah, they got married out of... Political reasons? Anyway, originally not out of love) which was a pretty nice scene, although long. Well, what I was really going to say, got ridiculusly side-tracked and here I go again so: The first time she orgasmed when sleeping with him he thought he had been hurting her. Ha, shows how enlightened three-and-twenty year old male virgins were in the eighteenth century! XD